Friendzone

I just ranted this and feel its very important

omg….this is ending up a rant… my work neighbors made me want to smack my head into a wall yesterday. I sit next to a group of guys who are engineers. I don’t have a door to my office so I overhear a lot. I try to not say things sometimes even just trying to be nice or friendly as it really just comes off as weird, but I can’t really help overhearing everything they talk about.

So I guess one of the guys (who I think is cute) went to a work party and has a friend who he is crushing on. Shes a really good friend and not interested.

So one of the much older guys, prob 40s was talking and made me want to go throw something at him. He was saying he could help him ‘get out of the friend zone’ or at least get out of the zone. He went on and on about well, would you rather risk that friendship and try something or not at all and live with the regret. Also bashing how guys end up there, there was more but I can’t phrase it.

Okay, omg….just everything he said was so wrong. It takes a very good set of people to be able to go from best friends, dating, to best friends. I did it with xxxxx and I love him just as much as ever even though we did not work out as a couple. But it can be very hard with someone, we got lucky, super best friends!!!! I don’t hear this going well often.

I really like Daniel Radcliff’s variation on this,

““Friendzoning is a terrible thing. The idea of a friend zone is like a terrible, male…have you ever heard a girl say she’s in the friend zone? It’s a thing I think men need to be really careful about using. When they were kicking around titles for What If, before What If was chosen, I think that came up, and I was like, ‘No! Don’t do that!’ Do I think men and women can be friends? Yes, absolutely. Do I think men and women who are sexually attracted to each other can just be friends? Eh, it will probably become an issue at some point whether you deal with it, and talk about it and just move on, but it will always sort of get dealt with eventually…I definitely think the idea of friend zone is just men going, ‘This woman won’t have sex with me.’””

Because you are a guy, and you are a friend, does NOT mean there is a sexual interest. I could be able to lay all over you and hang out and not interested. I may not want to touch you beyond an initial hug but still am a good friend. I know lots of platonic relationships like that, hell women do it a lot too. there is nothing sexual happening, but it also takes a lot of trust and comfort on both parties.

xxxxx and I were chilling years ago at bloodmoon waiting to get told to gear back up after npc duty, I was also waiting on a death mod. =t. I was slightly napping, allison was amusing both of us by drawing on my leg with eyeliner out of being exhausted. I think we ended up napping with her head on my stomach or something for a bit. This was not cuddling at all. Platonic. ‘hey you are soft and squishy, oh your don’t mind? pillow!’

Not to mention poor xxxx with my head in her lap dealing with a massive POTS flair and not remembering the damn episode until she reminded me years later, that was a major health issue but still.

Other example xxxxxxx and I always glomping on xxxxxxx and him being cool with it. Because of my simple level of excitement/trust/comfort/and friendship with xxxx I can easily and quite literally be attached clinging to him for hours. For whatever reason he is also the only person I do this to. This is completely platonic. xxxx is not interested in me in a sexual manner, due to that I am not either. It is a comfort thing, xxxx makes me feel giggly, happy and safe in a non sexual manner. He also typically does not mind the being clingy, and if ‘ok stop’ is given, it is done.

I get the idea, believe me, I have so many guys fall for me I am just not interested in. I have a lot of guy friends!!! It makes me feel bad, but I am not going to lead someone on by ‘attempting’ to have a date with them when I know that I have no interest.

They were mentioning awesome personalities etc and well why not? Basically like trying to force getting out of the friendzone.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Guys, you can be amazing, soul buddy, sexy, smart, etc. but the chemistry is just not happening on both sides. I hate when that happens, but it does quite frequently. Its like a somewhere internally we have decided that biologically we are not interested.

I did a google search out of curiosity and found thishttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend… This is terrifying! why the hell is it on psych today?

1-3 relates to jealousy and is bullshit. If you are my friend, I want to see you and hang out with you. I WANT to spend time with you because I don’t feel threatened or uncomfortable. You start acting distant, my response is not ‘omg come back love of my life!’, its okay, your being a jerk if you think ignoring me is going to fix this. If I go running at you after a prolonged period its because YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I MISS YOU. I am going to worry about why you are withdrawing, and being seclusive. If you find another girl, okay, good for you. I’m not interested in that position so I don’t care.

4-5. I’m not a fucking animal. You don’t get me to do shit and reward me, its called manipulation, dumbass writer of this article. If you call me drunk and needing to be driven home, I would do it because you are my friend and I want you to be safe, trying to reward me with some lavish dinner or something later is just fucking weird.

Ugh. I don’t know really how to sum this up at the moment, but look, you need to understand that friendzone is a shit term. Its hard to be put there or be there, but its still a shit term.

But you need to respect the person who put you there. If you gripe and bitch, its not helping you. Dear god if you act like that stupid psychology letter, its NOT going to help you.

It sucks being in a one sided lusting spree. But it happens, you have to understand that ‘no means no’. they still want to be your friend, you should try to still cherish that.